“Peskajumba”
2008 August 3
LAF is going on semi-hiatus for much of August. Our stand-in will be moderating the blog and adding some pre-packaged, timeless posts.
But the fun continues. Turn on the news. Grab a bottle (not before noon, please). Do a shot whenever you hear:
- Makeshift memorial
- Totally destroyed
- Barely escaped with their lives
- only on (this station)
- our helicopter is over an accident now…
- “he was a quiet guy, kept to himself…”
- closure
- the staccato voice of Mark Winne
- Ken Cook calling Atlanta “the city of fountains.”
Do a double shot whenever you hear these horrifying cliches:
- More questions than answers
- Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst
- It sounded like a freight train
- Remains to be seen
- Monica Pearson appearing overly sincere (limit: two per newscast).
And then, when you’re done, chase it with a beer and watch Tom Waits conduct the best news conference ever. Stay tuned for the visual punch line at the end:
Oooh! Oooh!:
“[x person of controversy] speaks out [about y controversy]“
do a triple shot when you hear about a Dekalb home invasion.
How many shots when the home invasion occurs at a reporter’s house-and the reporter is assigned to cover it?
a break? since when do news people get breaks? oh wait.
@Fence Sitter: It’s half a bottle of whiskey for the reporter and a cocktail of the Molotov variety for the person assigning the story.
@rptrcub & fence sitter: I wish we’d had that whiskey. The thievin’ varmints cleaned out our liquor cabinet. That was one crappy holiday.
How about “wakeup call.”
Uncle Peter:
I LOVE XIA as much as the next guy, but XIA played “Uncle Peter” to Fox 5 on the 10P election coverage!
OH MY?!?!
Speaking of XIA, what’s with this chatter on TVSpy about NBC’s Martin Savidge possibly being tapped to replace a certain male anchor (for the purposes of obscurity, let’s call him T. Hall. No – that’s much too obvious. Let’s say Ted H. instead…).
How about: If the phrase “hunker down” is uttered by a reporter talking about a hurricane, take one shot for each named storm up to that point.
martin savidge? remind me NEVER to loot a Kmart with him around!
Tom T Hall? is now anchoring the news? wasn’t his track called “behind closed doors”?
bigear. never.. i mean..never… use the great Munson’s “key phrase” ever again!
and well.. back to the ripping off the liquor cabinet? damn. LAF without his OUZO is a real sumbitch.
Just as a point of fact, Charlie Rich did “Behind Closed Doors,” not Tom T. Hall.
How about in coming election coverage, a shot is required for every time someone says “it’ll be interesting to see how this shakes out in November” on air?
@MMR: Ooh! Ooh! Take a drink when someone calls McCain senile; and Obama a terrarist Mooslim.
Let’s not forget “absolutely!” as the last utterance of on-set repartee.