LAF is going on semi-hiatus for much of August. Our stand-in will be moderating the blog and adding some pre-packaged, timeless posts.
But the fun continues. Turn on the news. Grab a bottle (not before noon, please). Do a shot whenever you hear:
- Makeshift memorial
- Totally destroyed
- Barely escaped with their lives
- only on (this station)
- our helicopter is over an accident now…
- “he was a quiet guy, kept to himself…”
- closure
- the staccato voice of Mark Winne
- Ken Cook calling Atlanta “the city of fountains.”
Do a double shot whenever you hear these horrifying cliches:
- More questions than answers
- Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst
- It sounded like a freight train
- Remains to be seen
- Monica Pearson appearing overly sincere (limit: two per newscast).
And then, when you’re done, chase it with a beer and watch Tom Waits conduct the best news conference ever. Stay tuned for the visual punch line at the end:
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Posted by rptrcub on August 4, 2008 at 10:30 am
Oooh! Oooh!:
“[x person of controversy] speaks out [about y controversy]“
Posted by Atlanta blogs today | Fresh Loaf on August 4, 2008 at 10:59 am
[...] It’s going to be a long August because Live Apartment Fire is going on a break, although Doug Richards assures his loyal readers that he’s pre-packaged [...]
Posted by passengerside on August 5, 2008 at 12:55 am
do a triple shot when you hear about a Dekalb home invasion.
Posted by Fence Sitter on August 5, 2008 at 11:03 am
How many shots when the home invasion occurs at a reporter’s house-and the reporter is assigned to cover it?
Posted by scott hedeen on August 5, 2008 at 12:39 pm
a break? since when do news people get breaks? oh wait.
Posted by rptrcub on August 5, 2008 at 3:34 pm
@Fence Sitter: It’s half a bottle of whiskey for the reporter and a cocktail of the Molotov variety for the person assigning the story.
Posted by Mrs. LAF on August 5, 2008 at 8:50 pm
@rptrcub & fence sitter: I wish we’d had that whiskey. The thievin’ varmints cleaned out our liquor cabinet. That was one crappy holiday.
Posted by statepark on August 5, 2008 at 9:46 pm
How about “wakeup call.”
Posted by Wrangler of Found Light on August 5, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Uncle Peter:
I LOVE XIA as much as the next guy, but XIA played “Uncle Peter” to Fox 5 on the 10P election coverage!
OH MY?!?!
Posted by Newsguy on August 5, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Speaking of XIA, what’s with this chatter on TVSpy about NBC’s Martin Savidge possibly being tapped to replace a certain male anchor (for the purposes of obscurity, let’s call him T. Hall. No – that’s much too obvious. Let’s say Ted H. instead…).
Posted by bigear on August 5, 2008 at 11:09 pm
How about: If the phrase “hunker down” is uttered by a reporter talking about a hurricane, take one shot for each named storm up to that point.
Posted by Scott Hedeen on August 6, 2008 at 10:28 pm
martin savidge? remind me NEVER to loot a Kmart with him around!
Tom T Hall? is now anchoring the news? wasn’t his track called “behind closed doors”?
bigear. never.. i mean..never… use the great Munson’s “key phrase” ever again!
Posted by Scott Hedeen on August 6, 2008 at 10:29 pm
and well.. back to the ripping off the liquor cabinet? damn. LAF without his OUZO is a real sumbitch.
Posted by mild mannered reporter on August 7, 2008 at 1:24 am
Just as a point of fact, Charlie Rich did “Behind Closed Doors,” not Tom T. Hall.
How about in coming election coverage, a shot is required for every time someone says “it’ll be interesting to see how this shakes out in November” on air?
Posted by rptrcub on August 8, 2008 at 3:02 pm
@MMR: Ooh! Ooh! Take a drink when someone calls McCain senile; and Obama a terrarist Mooslim.
Posted by Fiddler on August 18, 2008 at 11:26 am
Let’s not forget “absolutely!” as the last utterance of on-set repartee.