Top Ten Reasons Reporters Should Not Profess Devotion to their Significant Others in TV Stories:
10. After the break-up, it will still live forever on the web.
9. You’re not likely to do it as stylishly and amiably as John Gerard did.
8. Odds are, your significant other isn’t as absurdly adorable as Janet, nor are you as adorable as John Gerard.
7. Folks will continually ask: Is that really your girlfriend?
6. Next time, you’ll have to record a song for her.
5. When she tells you “we’re getting a pet together,” you’ll have no choice but to agree.
4. Subsequently, you’ll have to buy her jewelry. It’s a slippery slope, yo.
3. TV viewers will suspect the worst when they see you out alone.
2. You don’t want to be another Commuter Dude copycat.
1. You’ll tick off your coworkers and competitors, whose significant others will hound them with “Hey, Lame-O. Where’s my on-air valentine?”