LAF is going on semi-hiatus for much of August. Our stand-in will be moderating the blog and adding some pre-packaged, timeless posts.

But the fun continues. Turn on the news. Grab a bottle (not before noon, please). Do a shot whenever you hear:

• Makeshift memorial
• Totally destroyed
• Barely escaped with their lives
• only on (this station)
• our helicopter is over an accident now…
• “he was a quiet guy, kept to himself…”
• closure
• the staccato voice of Mark Winne
• Ken Cook calling Atlanta “the city of fountains.”

Do a double shot whenever you hear these horrifying cliches:

• More questions than answers
• Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst
• It sounded like a freight train
• Remains to be seen
• Monica Pearson appearing overly sincere (limit: two per newscast).

And then, when you’re done, chase it with a beer and watch Tom Waits conduct the best news conference ever. Stay tuned for the visual punch line at the end: