Item: ABC 33/40 Birmingham weekend anchor Roy Hobbs was arrested by Birmingham police over the weekend. Hobbs is a former WAGA evening anchor. Police say Hobbs had a crack pipe in the car.
Below are Roy Hobbs’ Top Ten Reasons he managed to get himself arrested in Birmingham with a crack pipe.
10. To effectively utilize the crack cocaine found in the same car by police.
9. Because that medium-market crack has a more authentic, Southern taste.
8. Because I can’t share crack with the prostitute police found with me earlier in the week, in the same location, without a top-notch crack pipe.
7. Staying awake for the late local weekend news isn’t something most homo sapiens can do unless they’ve got a little sump’n – sump’n.
6. Coz the genius who renamed my station, WCFT-TV, with the call letters “WBMA-LP,” was obviously using the same stuff.
5. It was an undercover assignment, but I mistakenly grabbed the crack pipe instead of the lipstick cam.
4. Crack use enhances my performance as an anchor / teleprompter operator
3. It was a can’t-miss career move, sure to get me elevated to the weeknight anchor slot. Or, so said my buddy Warren Savage.
2. I figured a crack arrest would give me better credibility with a middle-Alabama local TV news audience.
1. I was fresh out of meth.