Sunday, I broke my wrist. I was doing yard work, breaking up some tree limbs, which DeKalb County’s sanitation workers had declined to fetch from an unruly curbside pile I’d made six weeks ago.
I thought I found a brilliant shortcut that involved me swinging, like a baseball bat, a too-thick limb against a tree truck. Turns out, I really am an idiot.
I’m now wearing a cast, and typing this post with my left hand. I can’t work this way. I’m not just a TV news goon. I’m a writer, dammit, of TV news copy, web copy and a trancriber of TV news interviews. One who now hunts and pecks.
This tops a long list of things I can’t do with my right hand and forearm immobilized. I can’t
- pick up heavy stuff
- wash my hands
- tie a necktie
- wear a dress shirt
- tie my shoelaces
- wash my left armpit
- shave, except shittily
- sleep worth a damn
This list seems to expand by the hour.
I’ve purchased some transcription software called Dragon. If it works, I’ll be able to do my job. I’ll be unclean, poorly dressed, have a bulgy right arm and will have sad, uneven whiskers viewable on HD. But I’ll be able to commit acts of television– if it works.
This means my income stream will continue, allowing the option of doing something I should have done weeks or years ago:
Hire a guy to do my yard work.